How to Succeed the First Day on the Job Using Small Talk

Starting a new job is an exciting, but sometimes uncomfortable, experience. Most of your new colleagues will probably be friendly, but some may be less than welcoming or even hostile. Luckily, using small talk, it’s possible to overcome the awkwardness that everyone feels on the first day of a new job. In honor of the Tech and IT crowd, I’ve put together an FAQ on how to troubleshoot your way through your first day on a new job.

What if my new manager forgets to introduce me to my new coworkers?

Introduce yourself to everyone you’ll be working with as soon as you can. If you wait for others to introduce themselves, you’ll send a message that you are not eager to connect or that you lack the confidence to approach people you don't know.  

Sticking to yourself can also give the impression that you’re not friendly. That, by extension, may imply that you will not be a team player. And that, by extension, might mean that people will not be able to depend on you. There are a lot of negative and subtle implications or implied communications that may not be true, but will occur, if you do not take the initiative. So take an active role and be the first to engage your new coworkers.

What if, as soon as my manager leaves, my new colleagues begin to mock him or her, or start “trash talking”?

It’s common that people grouse about their bosses or their company. If you find yourself in that kind of conversation on your first day of work it’s best to remain quiet. You don’t want to open up a can of worms or get into a situation where you can be identified with somebody else’s problem. You could ask why they feel that way if you want to explore it a little bit, but it’s best to move the conversation into a more positive topic or direction by saying something like, “What do you like best about working here?”

What if you are a new manager?

As a manager you’re not going to be everybody’s friend, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be friendly. It’s important to quickly establish an open channel of communication, and that is where small talk plays an important role. It shows you are open and willing to talk to people and interested in getting to know who they are.

Once a manager attains that kind of rapport with an employee, it’s easier to assess the individual and how to best talk to him or her.

What should I do if someone I just met acts unfriendly?

There are some people who appear unfriendly when they are actually just shy. However, some people may be unfriendly because they feel threatened or uncomfortable meeting new coworkers. If a new colleague seems unfriendly, give him or her a little bit of latitude. It may take a little extra time for you to warm to each other.  But if you give people a little bit of room, not making any judgments about them right away, and you respond with friendliness, you might find that that they will be a little bit more open and willing to engage.  

Conversation is an asset that is inside us all. Tap into it to realize its many benefits like making friends — and in this case, starting your first day on the job the right way.

For more information about having Don speak to your group or at your event please contact him at:

Don Gabor
(718)768-0824
www.dongabor.com
don@dongabor.com



 

Networking for Techies

 

The IT crowd, techies, coders... all words synonymous with the tireless thinkers who have revolutionized modern life. While some of their greatest achievements may have taken place behind the scenes, today’s emphasis on social media and networking is prompting more and more technology workers to look beyond the science of information to the art of conversation, as an effective way to advance their careers.

Even so, such soft skills can be elusive to some people who have made a career using technology to make connections. The good news is these skills -- mastering the art of conversation and networking -- are really much easier than many people think. Below I list three tips to help get you started:

• Come prepared with topics. My first networking tip for anyone is to bring a variety of topics to the networking event, not just about code. Be prepared with some more informal topics, like what you enjoy doing in your free time. Current events are also good conversation starters, but avoid controversial stories that might lead to disagreements or unpleasant exchanges.  
 

• Don’t try to sell anything.  When you go to a networking event look for connections, not sales. Most people don’t go to networking events to buy things; they go to meet colleagues and potential clients. Position yourself as a resource to others, and they will want to connect to you.

• Explain how you help others.  Do you help them become more productive, or do you help the business grow their revenue? Do you help people save time, eliminate waste or use their existing resources better? By what mechanism do you help people achieve their goals?

Begin with these three tips and you will see a dramatic difference in the way others connect with you at company gatherings and networking events.

Master the art of conversation and you will see many benefits.

For more information about having Don speak to your group or at your event please contact him at:

Don Gabor
Conversation Arts Media
www.dongabor.com
don@dongabor.com
(718)768-0824

It’s Time to Sharpen Up Your Holiday Party Networking Skills

“Holiday parties can be more than just fun—they offer networking opportunities to boost your career, build your business, or even increase your revenue.

I recommends that you be an active networker at social and business holiday parties, but he cautions, “Don’t be a networking shark, non-stop talker or know-it-all. These annoying networkers turn off just about everyone.”

Other common networking mistakes include:

* Only chatting with your colleagues or friends. (This comes off as being cliquish and uninterested in others.)
* Waiting for others to approach you. (This makes you appear snobbish or unfriendly.)
* Bad-mouthing your competitors or grousing about your boss, coworkers or company. (No one wants to network with complainers.)

Finally, a common mistake—especially for those new to the workplace—is thinking that the office party is an opportunity to let down your hair and let it all hang out. Nothing can ruin a budding or even established career faster than cutting lose at the holiday office party in a way that has people saying, "Can you believe what ... said (or did) at the party?"

Are you with the media? If so request a review copy of How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends and book an interview with Don Gabor. Please contact him at 718-768-0824 or don@dongabor.com

What if you send a LinkedIn invite to someone who doesn't respond?

I recently received this question via LinkedIn: What if you send a LinkedIn invite to someone you have not networked with in a while and they do not respond? What then? What's a appropriate way to respond?

Dear LinkedIn User:

Some people don’t pay enough attention to or respond quickly to LinkedIn invitations. You can try to reconnect with long-lost contacts via a direct email or telephone. If you have a specific reason such as a question to ask or topic to bring up, it will make the conversation go more smoothly. For example, perhaps you saw the person’s name mentioned in a blog, listed as a speaker at an tech conference or given an award. I’m sure a call to say congratulations would be welcome. Or, if all else fails, just say,

“Hi … this is … We met at …. It’s been so long since we saw each other last, I thought I contact you and see what you’re up to these days. Do you have a few minutes to chat?”

If your past relationship was good, most people will probably respond positively. If not, then maybe it’s time to look to connect with someone else who is more receptive.

BACK TO SCHOOL --IT’S TIME TO OPEN THE BOOKS AND START NEW FRIENDSHIPS

“No matter if you are in high school or college, everyone’s a little nervous on the first day of classes! It’s natural, especially if you are new to the school.” says Don Gabor, "small talk" expert and author of the updated and newly revised, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends (Simon & Schuster/Touchstone 2011).

The trick to getting over the awkward silent moments is to be the first to break the ice and start a conversation. “As the saying goes,” Gabor points out, “it’s not what you say—it’s how you say it. Once the conversation gets going then both of you will feel more at ease and open to getting to know one another better.

Here are several more tips for making and keeping friends.


10 STEPS FOR MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS

1. Be the first to say hello and introduce yourself.
2. Ask a question, make a light comment, or offer a sincere compliment.
3. Listen and ask follow-up questions about what interests you.
4. Reveal information so a new friend knows your interests.
5. Talk about common interests and experiences.
6. Spend time together in school studying, eating lunch, or playing a sporting activity.
7. Introduce a new friend to some of your other friends.
8. Work on a school project together.
9. Spend time together outside of school.
10. Talk via email, on social networks, the telephone and face-to-face as much as possible.


10 TIPS TO WIN FRIENDS FOR LIFE

F = Find friends who share your interests.
R = Respect your friend's feelings and opinions.
I = Invite a new friend to join you and your other friends in fun activities.
E = Encourage friendly conversation and openness.
N = Never reveal a friend's secret -- to anyone!
D = Don't drop old friends for new friends.
S = Stand up for your friend if someone else puts him or her down.
H = Have patience with your friends.
I = Increase the amount of time you spend together.
P = Patch up little spats before they turn into major arguments.

Don Gabor was a spokesperson for Grand Marnier, Sprint and Frito-Lay. He has given hundreds of media interviews in publications including NY News Day, NY Times, Daily News, Woman’s Day, Self, Redbook, Men's Health, Entrepreneur, Success, Woman’s World, National Enquirer, Readers Digest, and many other newspapers and magazines of interest to men and women. The New Yorker called Don, "a gifted conversationalist." He was the 2010-2011 president of the New York City chapter of the National Speakers Association.

To find out more about Don Gabor visit him at www.dongabor.com. or email him at don@dongabor.com.

8 NETWORKING GOALS FOR JANUARY 2011

"Start your networking goals in January and they will pay off all year long,” according to networking and small talk expert, Don Gabor—author of the goal-setting book,

Big Things Happen When You Do the Little Things Right*

(* Get a PDF copy of this book for $2.99!--go to http://www.dongabor.com/ or click on the link below.)


Starting NOW:

1. Save networking dates. Mark your 2011 calendar for at least one networking event a month including business meetings, social events, workshops, and other industry or career related conferences or meetings.

2. Make new or re-establish contacts. Set yourself a goal of making 1-5 new professional contacts a month either in person or via the Internet. Reconnecting with old contacts count! If you start now that will yield 12-60 new contacts by the end of 2011!

3. Follow-up with recent contacts. January is the perfect time to send emails, make calls or mail promised information to the contacts you met at recent events like the past conferences or holiday parties.

4. Refer clients or assistance to colleagues. January is a time that most people make an effort to get things done so your efforts to help your colleagues and friends will most certainly be appreciated and remembered all year long.

5. Get professionally printed business cards. The answer to, “How can I get in touch with you?” is “Here’s my card.” It’s easy and cheap to have professionally printed business cards. (Business cards printed on home printers look amateurish.) Do a search for “business cards” and get them done right.

6. Get involved. Join professional and civic associations and volunteer to help in the monthly meetings. The professional and social relationships you begin in January will strengthen all year long.

7. Start your list of networking goals for 2011. Effective networking begins with clearly defined goals. Start a list now and you will be pleasantly surprised to see how many you can accomplish by the end of 2011.

8. Practice your conversation and networking skills every day. If meeting people and making conversation at networking events doesn’t come natural to you, consider reading my book, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends and start improving your connecting skills right away—it’s easier than you think and can really accelerate your career.

To get more done in 2011 in your professional, social and personal life read:

Big Things Happen When You Do the Little Things Right by Don Gabor

E-BOOK PDF FORMAT DOWNLOAD! $2.99

http://dongabor.com/shopsite_sc/shopping_cart/order.cgi?storeid=*125ffcada5740d76d7402a&dbname=products&itemnum=6&function=add

Make Holiday Parties Profitable

Holiday office parties can be fun and even profitable, but they can also be deadly for your career if you don't watch what you say--or don't say!

1. THE MOST COMMON MISTAKE? Thinking the office party is a social event where you can let down your hair and let it all hang out. Nothing can ruin a budding or even established career faster than cutting lose at the holiday party in a way that keeps your coworkers saying for weeks, "Can you believe what ...said to ...at the party?"

2. MOST COMMON PARTY ETIQUETTE MISTAKE? Who should extend the hand first, the man or the woman? 50+ year-old etiquette said the man should wait for the woman to offer her hand, but today either the man or woman can take the initiative to shake hands. My advice is to extend your hand at the moment of introduction no matter who you meet.

Other mistakes to avoid:

3. Only chatting with your officemates. This comes off as being cliquish and uninterested in others.

4. Waiting for others to approach you. This makes you appear unapproachable and unfriendly.

5. Revealing too much personal information about problems at home, work or in relationships. This instantly translates to needy and insecure.

6. Only talking about yourself. This is the fastest way to bore others to tears!

7. Complain about your boss, company or coworkers. It may be well-deserved, but never "bite the hand that feeds you."

8. Getting "too friendly" with a coworker during the office party. This suggests that you don't understand boundaries and will quickly turn you into a workplace pariah.

Don Gabor is a communications trainer and the author of seven other books including the best-seller, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends. He was a spokesperson for Grand Marnier, Sprint and Frito-Lay. His books have been featured in NY Newsday, NY Times, Daily News, Men's Health, Entrepreneur, Success, Investor's Daily and many other national and trade magazines, plus his book was featured on "60 Minutes with Andy Rooney" and on many other TV and radio programs. The New Yorker called Don, "a gifted conversationalist."