How to Succeed the First Day on the Job Using Small Talk

Starting a new job is an exciting, but sometimes uncomfortable, experience. Most of your new colleagues will probably be friendly, but some may be less than welcoming or even hostile. Luckily, using small talk, it’s possible to overcome the awkwardness that everyone feels on the first day of a new job. In honor of the Tech and IT crowd, I’ve put together an FAQ on how to troubleshoot your way through your first day on a new job.

What if my new manager forgets to introduce me to my new coworkers?

Introduce yourself to everyone you’ll be working with as soon as you can. If you wait for others to introduce themselves, you’ll send a message that you are not eager to connect or that you lack the confidence to approach people you don't know.  

Sticking to yourself can also give the impression that you’re not friendly. That, by extension, may imply that you will not be a team player. And that, by extension, might mean that people will not be able to depend on you. There are a lot of negative and subtle implications or implied communications that may not be true, but will occur, if you do not take the initiative. So take an active role and be the first to engage your new coworkers.

What if, as soon as my manager leaves, my new colleagues begin to mock him or her, or start “trash talking”?

It’s common that people grouse about their bosses or their company. If you find yourself in that kind of conversation on your first day of work it’s best to remain quiet. You don’t want to open up a can of worms or get into a situation where you can be identified with somebody else’s problem. You could ask why they feel that way if you want to explore it a little bit, but it’s best to move the conversation into a more positive topic or direction by saying something like, “What do you like best about working here?”

What if you are a new manager?

As a manager you’re not going to be everybody’s friend, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be friendly. It’s important to quickly establish an open channel of communication, and that is where small talk plays an important role. It shows you are open and willing to talk to people and interested in getting to know who they are.

Once a manager attains that kind of rapport with an employee, it’s easier to assess the individual and how to best talk to him or her.

What should I do if someone I just met acts unfriendly?

There are some people who appear unfriendly when they are actually just shy. However, some people may be unfriendly because they feel threatened or uncomfortable meeting new coworkers. If a new colleague seems unfriendly, give him or her a little bit of latitude. It may take a little extra time for you to warm to each other.  But if you give people a little bit of room, not making any judgments about them right away, and you respond with friendliness, you might find that that they will be a little bit more open and willing to engage.  

Conversation is an asset that is inside us all. Tap into it to realize its many benefits like making friends — and in this case, starting your first day on the job the right way.

For more information about having Don speak to your group or at your event please contact him at:

Don Gabor
(718)768-0824
www.dongabor.com
don@dongabor.com



 

It’s Time to Sharpen Up Your Holiday Party Networking Skills

“Holiday parties can be more than just fun—they offer networking opportunities to boost your career, build your business, or even increase your revenue.

I recommends that you be an active networker at social and business holiday parties, but he cautions, “Don’t be a networking shark, non-stop talker or know-it-all. These annoying networkers turn off just about everyone.”

Other common networking mistakes include:

* Only chatting with your colleagues or friends. (This comes off as being cliquish and uninterested in others.)
* Waiting for others to approach you. (This makes you appear snobbish or unfriendly.)
* Bad-mouthing your competitors or grousing about your boss, coworkers or company. (No one wants to network with complainers.)

Finally, a common mistake—especially for those new to the workplace—is thinking that the office party is an opportunity to let down your hair and let it all hang out. Nothing can ruin a budding or even established career faster than cutting lose at the holiday office party in a way that has people saying, "Can you believe what ... said (or did) at the party?"

Are you with the media? If so request a review copy of How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends and book an interview with Don Gabor. Please contact him at 718-768-0824 or don@dongabor.com

BACK TO SCHOOL --IT’S TIME TO OPEN THE BOOKS AND START NEW FRIENDSHIPS

“No matter if you are in high school or college, everyone’s a little nervous on the first day of classes! It’s natural, especially if you are new to the school.” says Don Gabor, "small talk" expert and author of the updated and newly revised, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends (Simon & Schuster/Touchstone 2011).

The trick to getting over the awkward silent moments is to be the first to break the ice and start a conversation. “As the saying goes,” Gabor points out, “it’s not what you say—it’s how you say it. Once the conversation gets going then both of you will feel more at ease and open to getting to know one another better.

Here are several more tips for making and keeping friends.


10 STEPS FOR MAKING AND KEEPING FRIENDS

1. Be the first to say hello and introduce yourself.
2. Ask a question, make a light comment, or offer a sincere compliment.
3. Listen and ask follow-up questions about what interests you.
4. Reveal information so a new friend knows your interests.
5. Talk about common interests and experiences.
6. Spend time together in school studying, eating lunch, or playing a sporting activity.
7. Introduce a new friend to some of your other friends.
8. Work on a school project together.
9. Spend time together outside of school.
10. Talk via email, on social networks, the telephone and face-to-face as much as possible.


10 TIPS TO WIN FRIENDS FOR LIFE

F = Find friends who share your interests.
R = Respect your friend's feelings and opinions.
I = Invite a new friend to join you and your other friends in fun activities.
E = Encourage friendly conversation and openness.
N = Never reveal a friend's secret -- to anyone!
D = Don't drop old friends for new friends.
S = Stand up for your friend if someone else puts him or her down.
H = Have patience with your friends.
I = Increase the amount of time you spend together.
P = Patch up little spats before they turn into major arguments.

Don Gabor was a spokesperson for Grand Marnier, Sprint and Frito-Lay. He has given hundreds of media interviews in publications including NY News Day, NY Times, Daily News, Woman’s Day, Self, Redbook, Men's Health, Entrepreneur, Success, Woman’s World, National Enquirer, Readers Digest, and many other newspapers and magazines of interest to men and women. The New Yorker called Don, "a gifted conversationalist." He was the 2010-2011 president of the New York City chapter of the National Speakers Association.

To find out more about Don Gabor visit him at www.dongabor.com. or email him at don@dongabor.com.